Why Do I Only Get 1 Dance with Guys?

Dear Maleva,I'm a beginner, and recently went to Montreal to check out the milonga scene. I mostly just sat and watched, and enjoyed a semi-private lesson before the milonga at a practica with an excellent teacher.But, when people - really good dancers whose style I really admired - did come and ask me to dance, I would say always yes, since I'm anything but shy, but I would ALWAYS warn them upfront that I'm a beginner. And, to my surprise, they would dance the way they normally dance, and I felt that I was led into things that were above me, that I either (a) didn't understand(like ocho cortado, which I know now, since I subsequently learned it in a class, or where the leader slides my foot over, then waits for me to slide his foot back) or (b) were badly led (like a *badly* led gancho, one that I couldn't feel with my thigh). I also felt that I would get moved too fastwithout enough warning, not enough signal for me to lean forward slightly in order to push off more with my supporting leg; and so I would often lose my balance. In sum, with these "one dance" guys it just didn't FEEL right, we didn't connect. This is my question: is this a question of me being a *bad* follower, or just a question of incompatability, or them being bad leads, i..e not reading me, feeling where I am? Is an appropriate analogy here similar to the fact that I won't like everyone's personality, that I'll click better with some people than with others? Is it the same way with dancing? I'll like dancing with some people better than with others?One of my friends who dances a lot says that it's not my inability to do colgadas and more advanced moves and improvisation, but rather my posture, how I hold myself that's unpleasant enough to a leader to only want one dance. Perhaps I'm too heavy, or not present enough? Perhaps I'm not relaxed enough?Any insights?Cheers,
One Hit Wonder

Dear One Hit Wonder
I would say that the biggest things that make a follower nice to dance with are being relaxed and having good balance. Of course, these things are interrrelated with other qualities, for instance you must have nice posture in order to be on balance and a comfortable embrace will make you feel more relaxed. Sometimes when I dance with a beginner in a class and she is very relaxed I will forget myself and try to lead a turn or ochos before she knows how. It is easy for someone to feel more advanced than they are ifthey are very relaxed. Try not to tense up and remember to breathe. For balance, I think that practicing ochos is one of the best exercises. When I was learning, I would go into the stairwell at my office whenever I got bored (which was often) and holding onto the banister in the landing I would practice ochos with 180 degree pivots, forward, then back. I must have done thousands of ochos there; there's probably a figure 8 burned into the floor there!
The biggest things that make a follower not-as-nice to dance with are being heavy, off balance, and hard to 'steer'. If you are guilty or any, or God forbid all, of these things you just may hear 'thank you' after 1 dance.
I think that most likely you are just inexperienced and therefore missed a lot of leads, and the guys didn't have the patience for this. (Although if you warned them you were a beginner they should have been sensitive to this and not led ganchos etc on you.) Lots of practice and more lessons will take care of this. And yes, there will always be people you find more compatible, and the funny thing is that the more you dance, the people you once had a hard time connecting with will suddenly become your favorite dancers and the people you once loved dancing with may suddenly seem hard to dance with. It always changes.
Also, from your description, it sounds like you might have to take care that you don't wind up falling into the 'heavy' category. Being heavy has absolutely nothing with your actual weight. Some of the biggest ladies are the lightest. There are a couple of ways to feel heavy to your partner:
a. Pressing forward into your partner with your muscles to give him 'resistance' and a feeling of connection. Make sure your connection, or compression, is totally relaxed and a result of surrendering a fraction of your weight towards your partner (not so much you are off your axis). Do not press into the floor with your legs or feet to get this slight pressure. As one of my first tango teachers would say, 'Ladies, release the brakes!'
b. Taking too long to prepare for the steps or interpret his leads. You must be very light on your feet and react without thinking. You shouldn't have to take time to make an adjustment before taking the step. Try to step at the same time as him instead of lagging behind him, and don't let his chest get away from you, especially in turns. Don't make him drag you with his arms, you should be right there with him.
c. Failing to push off your standing leg to get yourself to your own axis. If you make the leader push you on top of your own leg you are making him do the work for two, and you will also have less control over your balance. You know best where your axis is, so put yourself there.
d. Waiting for the leader to put you onto the beat instead of stepping there yourself. You are listening to the music too and if you step on the beat yourself you will feel like you are dancing with him, not slightly behind him. This is also a big factor in feeling 'musical' to the leader.
e. Not having good balance so the leader has to literally catch you and hold you up after almost every step.
f. Pulling down with either or both arms - ie hanging around his neck like a weight or not supporting the weight of your own right arm.
Dancing with a 'heavy' follower is uncomfortable by the end of 1 song and literally painful by the end of a tanda, so many leaders will choose to end the tanda early.

Šaltinis : www.close-embrace.com

Tango plague

There exists a plague within Tango, found in Tango communities around the world, and perpetuated in blogs and by many tangueros alike. It feeds on the very notion that Tango, unlike every other dance, is more special, more elusive, and more unique. Death is slow and painful.
Symptoms of The Tango Plague
Those afflicted with the Tango Plague show signs of confusion. They begin to believe that they do not need to practice or take lessons. They believe that the best place to better their craft is on the dance floor of the milonga dancing with the best “Milongueros” (read: the only persons willing to dance with them in their community). They don’t believe that there are dancers that range from beginner to more advanced even though it is often plain to see which dancers are better and which are worse (musicality, embrace, posture, and movement). Finally, the infected are often the first to say, “You never stop learning.”
Treatment
The Tango Plague can be remedied very simply. First, the infected must realize that like ANY hobby, sport, or interest, one must learn and practice in order to maintain and better oneself. They must remember some people are good at their chosen interests and exhibit a talent for it, while others struggle to acquire the basics. The aftermath of this plague leaves us with communities full of dancers who stopped learning after taking their one 8-week Tango course; dancers whose dance is infected with little more than bad habits.
We were traumatically reminded of this topic when we went to a neighbourhood matinee Milonga here in Buenos Aires. The dancers were respectful when navigating the floor and were quite musical. However, most men shuffled along the floor even though there was space and their bodies were able (EVERY teacher here from the young to the Milonguero has instructed us to take bigger steps when there is the space), and most had embraces that were visibly of the death-grip variety. K danced with six men, two of which repeated the EXACT SAME PATTERN for FOUR WHOLE SONGS!? Jorge danced four tandas with three different women, two of which decided the steps for him (if these women danced with the men K danced with, it’s no wonder they anticipate/decide the movement before it is lead). These women, although appearing to be average dancers, could not maintain their own axis or even follow at the most basic level. Why? Because they dance with the men of this milonga who lead by force rather than by invitation and have a non-existent vocabulary of movement. K would have preferred to walk to the beat for four songs than repeat Ocho Cortados the whole time. That said, we have come to the realization that most men here cannot walk and that the walk is one of the most difficult concepts in Tango. It is far easier to lead and follow variations of ochos than walk.
We are not suggesting that these Porteños start taking lessons. Our point is only to open people’s eyes to the MYTH that dancing in the milonga (even and especially the milongas of Buenos Aires) will in itself (or at all) a better dancer make. Those outside of Argentina with the financial means have no excuse to stop learning and/or practicing. The whole point of taking classes (learning technique) and practicing in practicas (applying technique) is to SET YOU FREE. When the embrace, musicality, leading/following, maintaining your axis, and maintaining your posture, are no longer challenges, you are able to experience Tango in the realm of absolute FREEDOM.
Our plea to the Tango Universe: Stop telling people that they do not need to take classes, that they don’t need to practice outside of the milonga, and that they will learn everything by dancing in a milonga. Tango is no different from any other dance or skill. The ability deteriorates without proper use and practice, and updating one’s skill is necessary to maintain even a stagnate level.